


A Date to the Vomitoriums

by Moriarty_Sisters



Category: Night at the Museum (Movies)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Developing Relationship, Established Friendship, Fluff, Hot Pockets, M/M, Probably Crack, Roman Vomitoriums, Silly, They're trying to eat one hot pocket together, Vomitoriums are now romantic, i'm not sorry at all, romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:12:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26283961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moriarty_Sisters/pseuds/Moriarty_Sisters
Summary: Oct and Jed attempt to eat one (1) hot pocket together this is what transpires
Relationships: Jedediah/Octavius (Night at the Museum)
Kudos: 27





	A Date to the Vomitoriums

Larry steeled himself, waiting for the nightly rush of the exhibits. He had started to bring in new foods every night for the human exhibits, and the most popular food so far had been pizza. Tonight, he had brought in Hot Pockets, ten boxes of them. ****

The night guard had baked them at home and brought them in an insulated container. Once he arrived, he set them up on the main desk so the exhibits would have to line up to receive their food. He sorted them into piles for each exhibit. Six each for the Huns, three for both Sac and Teddy, five for Ahk, etc. Larry also set aside six pockets for the minis, three for Rome and three for the West.

He wasn’t surprised but the view of all the exhibits running at him never failed to give Larry a mini heart attack.

“What have you brought today, Guardian of Brooklyn?”, Ahkmenrah asked, peering curiously over the desk. The night guard smiled, handing the Egyptian his portion.

“These are called Hot Pockets. They’re like reverse pizza.”, he announced, holding back a laugh as Ahk took a bite and panicked over how stringy the cheese was. Larry continued to pass out portions until all that was left was the dioramas.

Coincidentally, he felt the toy car bump his ankle and a familiar Western drawl.

“Gigantor, what’cha got for us today?”, Jed yelled out the window. The night guard picked up the car, placing it on the desk so the minis could get out.

“It smells familiar.”, Octavius noted, trying to place the smell.

“Yeah, these are Hot Pockets, guys. It’s like reverse pizza. I got three for each of your dioramas.”, Larry said, putting them on the small dish they had attached to the car. He placed the car back on the ground, watching the two minis drive off.

“He said it was like reverse pizza!”, Jed exclaimed. The pizza had been one of his favorites. “I’m gonna try to eat a whole one!”

“My friend, you will make yourself ill if you attempt that.”, the Roman said to the other man. Jed flashed a grin as they pulled into the diorama hall.

“Aw, you can help, Octagon! C’mon, let’s give ‘em them pockets and we can go eat one ourselves.”, the Westerner said, bounding out of the car and yelling for his men. Larry had developed little elevators for them that could be moved out of the way during the day and put back so the minis could move out of their scenes easier. Both minis and their men moved their respective Hot Pockets up to their scenes. 

Jed ran through the tunnel connecting them, searching out his friend. Once he caught sight of the Roman standing by one of the pizza nuggets, he bounded over. “Octy! Are you ready?”

“Yes, I suppose.”, the general grinned as they dug in. They hadn’t predicted it being as gooey as it was. Some of Octavius’s men pushed coins under the food to keep it from getting on the diorama.

“Octy, you feeling alright?”, Jedediah asked, watching the Roman stop eating after a while as he dabbed his mouth with his handkerchief.

“If I eat much more, I will need to visit the vomitorium.”, Oct told his friend. The cowboy gave him a blank look.

“What the heck’s a vomit-whatever?”

“In Rome, we would have large banquets and the vomitorium was a place where you could empty your stomach so you could continue to eat. It was a good time.”, the Roman smiled, getting lost in thought.

Jed gasped, an idea popping into his head. “Octopus, if we use the vomiter- vomitorum- that thingy you said, we could eat this whole dang Hot Pocket, kemosabe!”

The Roman sighed. His friend’s ideas were sometimes the stupidest things he ever heard. He supposed that was what endeared the cowboy to him.

“Alright. Keep eating and I shall inform you when we should go.”, Oct said, taking a breath and smiling at the other man. Jed returned his grin and went back to eating the cheese that was about to drip onto the quarters below them.

A few moments later, Oct felt the twinge in his stomach. “Jedidiah, I believe we should go.”, he said, grabbing the other man’s hand and hauling him towards the building. Jed whined but was cut off as he too felt a wave of nausea.

The Roman had just enough time to throw Jed’s hat to the side and get him settled leaning over the trough before he had to let himself go. He felt a soothing hand on his back and realized Jed had taken his glove off to rub his back. It was only after realizing this that Octavius shivered from something other than being sick. It wasn’t his fault if he leaned into the touch as another round overcame him.

Meanwhile, Jed was struck with a momentary flash of affection for his friend. Rubbing his back as he was sick felt so intimate. While Octavius had his head down again, the cowboy resituated himself closer to the Roman, rubbing his shoulders as well, until the sick feeling got to himself.

Once Octavius had finished, he realized the reason the hand on his back had stopped was that the Westerner was now vomiting himself. He quickly pulled the blond’s hair back with one hand so it wouldn’t be in his face, placing his other hand at the back of Jed’s neck.

Jed didn’t realize the general had finished until he felt his hair being pulled back and a warm hand settling on the back of his neck in an almost protective way, and that flash of affection returned and stayed for longer this time.

Absent-mindedly, the Roman started to gently stroke the back of the cowboy’s neck with his thumb, until a hand on his wrist pulled him back. Jed still had his head down, but he gently grasped the older man’s wrist.

Octavius watched with a blush as Jed guided his hand to a position where he could firmly hold his hand. He tentatively gave his friend’s hand a light squeeze, which the Westerner returned with a firm grip.

Jed finally sat up, facing Oct. They held eye contact for a moment, before Octavius reached for a spare bit of cloth, one hand coming up to cup the cowboy’s face as he gently wiped the cowboy’s mouth off.

Jedidiah shivered at how delicate the touch was, how gentle his friend was being. Almost… tender? He let his eyes close for a short moment while he let the Roman clean him. “Thanks…”, he whispered. Jed gasped softly as Octavius pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

The blond man opened his eyes to face his- friend? He was lost.

“I believe this was a learning experience.”, the general chuckled lightly, looking down. “But, I am sure this is the most intimate thing we have done.”

“Oct, I-”

“You do not have to say anything.”, the named said. Jed only responded by pressing another quick kiss to his lips. Octavius felt light as a feather when the chapped lips touched his again.

“No more of that until we get cleaned up, partner, and we’ve got a Hot Pocket to finish.”, the cowboy grinned, grabbing his hat as he stood and taking the Roman’s hand. Octavius couldn’t hide the grin spreading across his face as he let himself be dragged back by his newfound love, looking forward to the bath they would share in the near future.


End file.
